Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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