Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
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