Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
