i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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