My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
