i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
