I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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