Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
