I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
