Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
jump out the window naked night went bad
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
