The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
