I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Someone came in the potted fern
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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