He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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