just come out here and I will go home with you...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I am naked and annoyed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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