no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
