Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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