Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
