yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
