This is not my ceiling
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
