is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
