who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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