Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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