Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
