how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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