I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
