i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize