Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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