it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
