Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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