my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
