you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize