Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
