Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize