so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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