Pappa wants mamma naked
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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