omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
