I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
