I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
