What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize