Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
