Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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