I have demons in me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
