i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
