i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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