just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
