what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
