Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
