If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize