her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
