do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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