Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
