Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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