When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
