From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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