I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
