oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
