Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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