so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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