I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
