i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
