Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Liz is crying about burritos again.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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