ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
