Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
