I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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