just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
