Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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