i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
