Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
