I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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