My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
