Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
