I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize