I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
