he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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