Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
