I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
