found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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