i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
