Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize