I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My liver is preforming stress tests.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
