You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
