im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
