and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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