Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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