come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
