dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
