The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize