So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
