I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize