Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
