OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
