Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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