The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
