so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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