He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
