I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
