Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
