If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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