a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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