I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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