he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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