I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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