toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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