they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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