Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i already hear my dad disowning me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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